Raising a large family is quite a challenge. As a mom of many, I can truly appreciate that mothering one child can be a 24/7 job, much less 4 or more. While some choose to make mothering their full-time job, others have also chosen to pursue other careers and causes as well. In this series of articles, I will be interviewing successful moms who have found a way to juggle their large family and other pursuits. This feature is not to downplay the importance of being a mother-first, but to encourage women who fear having a large family will hinder them professionally, and show them that you can be successful and have many children family too.
Meagan Francis is a freelance writer whose articles have appeared in national publications such as Parenting and American Baby. She is also an established author with two books under her belt to date. She is also a mom to many, and speaks publicly about raising a family and juggling a career. We are happy that Meagan took some time out of her busy schedule to sit down and talk with Lotsofkids.com.
Okay, quick question to start us off, what do you think is the hardest part of parenting a large family?
The chaos and noise! This is most acute first thing in the morning, last thing before we're trying to get the kids to bed, and any time we all come into the house at once. Everybody's talking at the same time, wanting something from me, trying to tell me something...but after a while they all seem to scatter, so the nice thing is it doesn't last. The other hard thing is the fact that my house can look like the Road Runner and Tasmanian Devil both hit it within an hour of cleaning. And, of course, getting anywhere can be a hassle--in and out of the car, etc--but that seems to get better the older they get.
The best part?
All the laughter and conversation, and seeing the kids interact with each other. The littlest is always watching his big brothers, just soaking in everything they do (okay, maybe that part isn't always so great...) But really, I just love that our house has so much energy in it--there is always something going on, some big project happening, some conversation taking place (or fight breaking out). I think it can be overwhelming to people with no kids, or one or two kids, but we've gotten pretty used to it. .
Now that that's out of the way, how many kids do you have?
Four boys.
Tell us a little about your family.
My husband is Jon, a patient geek with a great sense of humor. Jacob is 10.5--a dreamer and a schemer who will talk your ear off about his latest plan to form a multinational corporation or produce a movie. Isaac is 8.5--smart as a whip, very driven, a real achiever in a play-by-the-rules kind of way. William is 4.5, sweet, sensitive and a real mama's boy. And Owen is 2.5 and our little peanut--he still has hardly any hair, just these fuzzy wispy curls, and he's so sweet and snuggly and at the same time, extremely physical and fearless. The whole family dotes on him, which we are probably going to have to stop doing, because I think it's going to his head!
You are the founder of LargerFamilies.com, a group blog of moms with more than the average number of kids. How did that site come about?
Well, when I had two kids, everybody seemed to think our family was the perfect size. Then when I was pregnant with #3, I got a lot of "looks like you'll have your hands full soon!" type of comments, which puzzled me. Since when did having three kids become unusual? Then when I had number 4, people really acted like I had gone off my rocker. I looked around me and realized I knew hardly anyone with more than 2, at most 3 kids. That included most of the families at my sons' Catholic school. I went online to find out where all the people with big families were and what advice they had to share, and found some great bloggers with these really fantastic attitudes, ideas, and perspectives that I just felt needed to be compiled into one place for easy reading. A group blog seemed like a fun way to bring a bunch of those voices together to share tips, inspiration, and even just funny stories, and since it's so easy to jump into reading a blog, it also seemed like something that would be accessible to people with smaller families who wanted to learn more.
Has it been a positive experience for you?
Oh, absolutely! I've learned SO much from this great group of women. First of all there's practical advice on handling day to day stuff like cooking, cleaning, and organizing. And there's something more--how to keep a sense of perspective, and a sense of humor and grace. I've also been very relieved to find that just because somebody has 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 or however-many kids that doesn't mean they are automatically required to be experts at everything. We all have things we're stronger and weaker in, and I've really loved sharing what I know and learning about what I don't.
You are an established writer, having had your articles appear in dozens of magazines, as well as authoring 2 books. I think the first thing most people wonder is how do you manage to do that while raising a large family?
Well, full disclosure--I don't work nearly as much as some people think I do. I am published in a lot of places but I write fast and have become really adept at managing my time--something that I've gotten better at as I've added more kids to my family, actually. I don't work anywhere near a full-time schedule most weeks (though there are weeks that I have to burn the midnight oil to make a deadline). I have about eight hours every week where all the kids are out of the house and I can just write, and I am amazed at what I can cram into those hours. Before that, I had no regular childcare for a long time. In fact, my husband moved to Chicago to start a new job before the kids and I did, so I had about five months in there where not only did I not have regular childcare, but he wasn't even home--and it just happened to coincide with one of my book deadlines. Oh, that was hard. I fit in writing where I could--naptimes, early morning, late at night, or on the weekend when Jon was home. It worked, but if anything went wrong (like the baby woke up before I expected him to, or a child was sick) it could bring down my carefully-crafted house of cards. I never tell aspiring writer-moms that they HAVE to have childcare in order to make it work--after all, my reality for a long time was that I didn't--but having even just a few regular hours now each week to concentrate has made me more relaxed and able to just hang out with my family the rest of the time.
Also, I get help where I can and cut a lot of corners. We have somebody come clean every other week. I struggled hard with that decision because I felt like it would mean I was laying down on the job of running the household, could we really afford it, wasn't it just a luxury, etc. But I realized that with the kids around, it takes me twice as long as it does her to do half as good a job as she does! Since I'm self-employed and help support the family that way, it just made better economic sense to have her do some of the deep cleaning so that I can focus on meeting my deadlines. Of course, I still have to do a lot of upkeep in between, but it doesn't ever get hopeless. Except my laundry pile--sometimes that does become daunting.
You are the author of "Table for Eight." From what I can tell, it's one of the few print books that is dedicated to giving practical tips and information for large families. How did the book come about?
After pulling together this great group of bloggers for largerfamilies.com and seeing how much fantastic advice they had to share--and how other moms of large families were eager for that advice--I thought "This needs to be in a book!" So I went looking on Amazon and found no books like the one I envisioned. At the same time there were a lot of newspaper articles coming out about how "four is the new three" and parents are supposedly embracing big families again, so it seemed like the right time. I had originally meant for the book to be geared toward families just larger than average--with maybe 3, 4, or 5 kids--because I theorized that by the time somebody has six or seven or more kids they have pretty well figured a lot of this stuff out out of necessity. My publisher had other ideas, but the best feedback I get from the book now is from moms with between three and five kids, so I think my instincts might have been right on that one. I would love to collect essays from parents of lots of kids and publish those, too, because I think that's what people are really eager for--a glimpse into the lives of big families.
In the book, we learn a little about your road to having a large family. Tell us a little about that. Did you always plan to have a large family?
I always knew I wanted lots of kids--growing up I thought 4 or 5--but I didn't exactly plan to start so early. I'm pretty happy to be a young mom now, though. I don't feel like I had any "agenda" that I had to interrupt when I had kids, so it was pretty easy to devote myself to them whole-heartedly and still know that I'll have plenty of time for traveling and all those things when they're grown up.
Do you feel good with your family size? Any desires to add "just one more"?
Four feels great, but I keep seeing that empty minivan seat and thinking "hmm, we could add another without having to move up to a conversion van..." I fluctuate on this a lot. One day I'll think I'm done, and the next day I think about Owen being my last baby and get all teary. Maybe that never goes away? Either way, at the age of 30 I'd be a fool to declare that I'm all done forever, so let's just say there are no current plans for another but that I am open to whatever God throws my way. Though, were I to get pregnant with septuplets or something, I might have a meltdown first.
How does your family feel about your writing? Are they supportive?
Very supportive. They think it's great and are flattered that I write about them...though I know that can change when they become teenagers! When I write about them I try to do it with enough discretion and warmth that it won't seem like I'm just using them for a cheap laugh, as tempting as it can sometimes be to make them the punchline. I find myself thinking really carefully about how to take anecdotes that involve them and turn them so that I'm actually poking fun at MYSELF, not them. Still, in this family we all rib each other a lot and so far everyone can take it as well as they dish it out. I have no doubt that one day they'll all be making fun of me in some public medium!
Aside from talking about large families, you have another book out. Tell us about it.
It's called the Everything Health Guide to Postpartum Care and it is just what it sounds like--everything you could ever want to know (and a few things you probably didn't!) about what happens to your body, emotions, life etc after having a baby. Most women learn a lot about pregnancy and caring for babies but are basically left to their own devices when it comes to caring for themselves after giving birth, so I think it's a really important book to add to any expectant mom's bookshelf.
Aside from writing, what are some of your other passions.
I love to read, when I can, and used to love acting/singing in community theatre productions. I'm looking forward to the kids being a little older so maybe we could do some family shows together.
I think most moms feel that they couldn't possibly have a large family and still have a career. How would you answer that?
I think I answered that above to some extent but I'll add this--at some point, something has to give. If both my spouse and I were working 40+ hour weeks at a job we had to actually show up to (and couldn't do from home in our PJs if necessary) and one kid got sick, then what? By the time the virus got done spreading through everyone, one of us would probably be out of a job. I'm not saying it's impossible, but you really have to have a lot of family support and be sure that what you and your family are gaining from it are outweighing the sacrifices. Part-time work or one spouse working from home does seem to be more manageable, but you have to have very clear expectations about who is going to take time off to deal with family issues.
If you are in the position where the husband is home with the kids while the wife returns to work (a position we found ourselves in for a while) it can be a rough transition. After all, you're accustomed to running the house a certain way and it can be really frustrating to come home to a trashed house or hear questions like "Where do we keep the towels again?" But when that was us, I tried to keep in mind that I didn't learn how to take care of four kids and a house overnight, and I couldn't expect him to either.
If someone ask you how they could manage a freelance writing career while juggling a family, what would be your number one advice?
You really have to treat it like a career--like something that will benefit your family economically but will require sacrifice from everyone, too. Otherwise, it gets too frustrating trying to carve out time when everybody else sees your writing as a hobby. (to be fair, I think you can also treat writing as a hobby, but your expectations have to be different.
Just for fun: What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate, especially with brownie or chocolate chunks, mmm. But I'm not really an ice-cream fanatic. I prefer baked goods--give me a cookie any day!.
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A writer, singer, actor, teacher, or Solid Gold dancer, in no particular order. And I always knew I wanted to be a mom.
We'd like to extend a big thank you to Meagan for the interview. We wish her the best of luck in the future. For more on Meagan and her projects, visit her website at: http://www.meaganfrancis.com.
Printer-Friendly Version
Interview by: Michelle Lehmann
Site content © 2008 - Lotsofkids.com
Terms of Service - Privacy Policy
|
| |
