| March 2004 - This feature is a regular article where I share my observations, reflections, and "musings" about being a mother of a large family. I hope you enjoy my ramblings, and perhaps they will help inspire you, make you smile, or at the very least help pass a few minutes in your hectic day. |
When I was a kid, one of my favorite shows was The Little Rascals. Hal Roaches Our Gang series was a pioneer when it premiered in the 1920s, showcasing children not as miniature adults, but as regular kids. I faithfully watched the re-runs in syndication, gluing myself to the television screen every afternoon. Its sad that the advent of cable television and production of countless cartoons have buried classics such as these. Thankfully, in the modern age of DVD, many of the old shorts and serials are being re-issued. I was delighted to learn that many of the Little Rascals are available and more coming. I invested in the purchase of several.
My husband and I were watching these shorts recently. The kids were in bed, so we popped one in and got all nostalgic. Laughing out loud felt good. As we watched the adventures of the Our Gang kids, we were both struck by something. Kids acted like kids, but they certainly didnt act like kids of our day. They worked. You saw the girls cooking and cleaning. The boys were outside doing manual labor. Older siblings babysat younger siblings. Kids were resourceful enough to team together to solve tough problems. Sure, one could argue that these situations were scripted, but the childrens behavior was based heavily on that of regular kids of that day. Even in the real life biographies the DVD sported, you learned many of the child actors were serious about their careers, some even supporting their families with their acting.
I speak often with elders from that era. My grandmother will often do dishes because it relaxes her. Shell be the first to remind us that her mother stood her on a wooden crate at the age of 5 and taught her how to wash dishes. That was her household duty. She was one of 5 children and each of them pulled their weight, doing chores and learning other skills. Many seniors grumble about how different things are today. One man had to drop out of school after 4th grad to work in the fields to support his family after his fathers death. He didnt whine about it, and actually was proud of the things he learned. Another womans mother had to go to work in the factories. At a young age, she had to begin running the household and caring for her siblings. She bragged of her cooking and housekeeping skills. Even in families where tragedy was not present, children had to pull their weight. They worked with their father in the shop, helped their mother keep house. Overindulged children were frowned upon and certainly not the norm.
I constantly run into arguments against having a large family. One of the foremost is the complaint that it is just too much work. Of course, my reply is that with a large number of people in a household you have more hands to help. Which leads to another one of the classic arguments: isnt it unfair to force a child to grow up and do work? There is this conception nowadays, and has been for the past 30-40 years, that a childs life must be filled with happy thoughts and good experiences. Youre only a child once, they argue. Children should have memories of flying kites, playing soccer, and baking cookies with mom. They should not be traumatized by having to work hard and struggle. Its argued that you have to work hard enough in adulthood, so why force the kids to do so now. Problem is, many kids are not working hard in adulthood, and some are barely able to function.
I am not one to advocate children should act like adults. Childhood is a time for playing and growing. But, the core of child psychology is that play is learning. It is a childs way of growing and preparing for life. Playing, however, is not enough to prepare you for fully for adulthood. Children need to work, to earn, to not be indulged in every way. They need to struggle, to fall, and learn how to pick themselves up so they gain the self-esteem to survive in a cruel world. We have so many adults now who cannot function because their parents wanted their childhood to be so carefree that these kids did not learn independence. They expect their needs to be met irregardless of effort on their part.. Tantrums are not only for two-year olds, we see an age of adults pouting and crying. Get-rich schemes now dont only cater to the haggard middle-aged working class. Most 21 year olds I know are just waiting for that windfall so they can quit and retire--they dont want to waste their lives working.
Now, these arguments apply to all families. Children should have chores and responsibilities, whether there are two or ten kids in the household. I take issue with this particularly because people make this a large family problem. They will chide me that my eight year old often has to take care of the baby when I need to get laundry or housework done. They criticize when Saturdays are not only for playing outside, but heavy duty cleaning of the house and yard. Watching my five year old take out a bag of garbage makes people cringe and ask me how I could be so cruel. They argue if I had less kids, I wouldnt have to burden my children with these responsibilities. To which I have to think, isnt it more of a burden to have small families with overindulged children who dont want to work or contribute to society at all? How can we survive with generation after generation of kids who want a free ride?
Children in large families are forced to do more, simply because there is more to do. Its not a bad thing. It also forces us, as parents, to allow them to do more, simply because its nearly impossible to do it on our own. We are not tempted to overindulge, because we need their help. Making your children work, do chores, and grow up should not be a source of guilt as society makes it, but a source of pride, for both kids and parents. Children learn they are important and find self-worth, and parents appreciate their children in different ways. In our society, I see so many parents intent to flood their children with knowledge; books and computer games and factoids about everything, to ensure their childs intelligence will give them an edge. Why dont they want to give their children life experience and hard work, so they will gain pride and ethics that will help them succeed in their careers and family life?
Watching those Little Rascals, I see children working, learning, growing, As youth often does, even the hardships are made into games, and ultimately they have fun. Its how things were done for thousands of years beforehand. I dont think were so radically different now to think its better to throw away those philosophies. When the work is done, there will be time for play, and kids will have their chance to be kids. It really is time for society to realize that children can do both and turn out okay, and most likely will be even better for it.
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Article by: Michelle Lehmann
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