| July 2003 - This feature is a regular article where I share my observations, reflections, and "musings" about being a mother of a large family. I hope you enjoy my ramblings, and perhaps they will help inspire you, make you smile, or at the very least help pass a few minutes in your hectic day. |
For me, the summer of 1986 was one of those times that Hollywood ends up making into a movie. It was a summer where I spent almost every waking moment with a group of school friends, hanging out at my house. There wasn't much parental authority, since my mother worked 2 full-time jobs and wasn't home until after midnight. While most other kids our age were drinking and experimenting in the racier side of life, we played games, chatted, watched movies, had little outings to go hiking and hang out at the park. During that time, we all talked and talked, eventually sharing our most intimate secrets with each other. It was kinda like Stand By Me mixed with the Breakfast Club.
During one of our gatherings, we were all lying around the living room. There were 6 or 7 of us, so we were sprawled out on the floor and every available piece of furniture. Engaging in the epitome of "vegging-out," one person mused where we would be in 10 years. This started a lively conversation. Funny how idealistic you can be at 16. Someone wanted to be a policeman. My bestfriend aspired to be a novelist. The oldest of the crowd wanted to be foreman of an assembly plant his father worked at. Honestly, I can't remember what I suggested, probably a nurse or fiction writer, two of my dreams when younger. Despite not recalling what I wanted to do, I do remember clearly laughing to myself. Sitting with my friends, soaking up a lazy August evening, I found it hilarious we were even talking about such things. 10 years was an eternity away. We'd never make it there. Or so I thought.
One thing that was never mentioned in that room of idealistic kids was the dream of marrying and have a bunch of kids. I think one girl did mention getting a husband, but she believed he would be a secret agent and she'd travel the world with him. The thought of sitting home, wiping dirty faces, chasing half-dressed toddlers, and helping older children with their homework never crossed our minds. In today's age, that would be praised. Society teaches to think career first, and if there is time afterwards, focus on family. The ideals of the "horrific" 50s cause people to shriek. Heaven help that a girl, or boy, would dream of getting married and having a family.
What people have forgotten is that dreams, especially fantastical aspirations of adventure and wealth, don't always come true. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. I never dreamed I'd be a mom of 5, awaiting the birth of number 6, and actually considering another 3 or 4. Yet, that became a reality, and made me far happier than I could have possibly imagined.
When people choose to have large families, there is a perception that these individuals must have had nothing better to do with their lives and couldn't wait to start shelling out babies the first chance they got. There is the delusion that they have no respect for themselves and deprived themselves of careers and greater dreams because they were so short-sighted to believe family would be better. Truth is, most parents of large families did weigh the options. They looked at the dreams they had, weighed the different lifestyles, and made a choice that a large family was best for them. In fact, they had to be very long-sighted, since you just don't wake up one day with 7 kids.
I often wonder what would happen if I could go back to my younger self at 16 and talk to her. Would she believe me when I told her the life she would choose? Would she make a conscious effort to avoid it? I can only imagine she'd gasp at how much weight she'd gained after having so many babies! What would she say. But, I'll never know. Which is probably a good thing, since the joy of having a large family can never be truly understood by someone until you're there. I don't think I could ever fully make my younger self grasp that.
It's now 17 years later. I haven't spoken with the people in that room for a long time. We all parted ways, moved on. I often wonder where they are. Did the fulfill their dreams? One thing I'm sure of, they probably wouldn't believe where I ended up, and how incredibly happy I am.
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Article by: Michelle Lehmann
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